For as long as I can remember, I’ve been head over heels, crazy in love with chocolate. You might even call it addicted. And no matter what I tried; I just couldn’t quit the habit.
As a kid, I remember sneaking into the pantry to scoff choccy bars in secret (though I think the trail of empty wrappers probably gave me away!). As a teen, I expanded my repertoire to include ice-cream for breakfast; and as an adult, I’d hide chocolates in my desk drawer at work, watching as my co-workers downed their double shot lattes and wondering if 9am was too early to start eating my stash.
Not only was it becoming an expensive habit, it was making me sick – and miserable. I hated that I felt so out of control when it came to chocolate. It’s like I’d go into this vacant, auto-pilot mode and some chocolate eating monster would take over my body. And God forbid if anyone ate the last of anything sweet at my house. All hell would break loose!
Over the years, I tried to cut back or quit. A couple of times I went cold turkey. Sometimes it’d last a few days, other times I’d manage a few weeks chocolate free – then something would happen and I’d dive back into a block (or three) of chocolate.
But it wasn’t all sweet…
I started to notice the impact daily sugar was having on my health. I was moody, tired, short tempered and I was gaining weight, particularly around my belly, backside and the tops of my arms and thighs. I wasn’t sleeping well, I was struggling to focus, and I noticed that the earlier in the day I started eating chocolate, the worse my eating was for the rest of the day. In my mind I was telling myself, “Oh well, I blew it today. I might as well keep scarfing chocolate and I’ll start again tomorrow.” It was such a vicious cycle of ‘all or nothing’ thinking that was reinforcing my habit.
Eventually I got sick of it (and my partner got sick of me saying, “That’s it! No more chocolate”, only to see me return from the supermarket the very same day with a tub of ice-cream and a stack of chocolate bars!!). So, I decided to see if Kinesiology could help. I’d already been seeing a Kinesiologist for a while and absolutely loved it, so I threw this chocolate conundrum into the mix to see what we’d discover.
And what we discovered blew me away.
At the heart of the habit
We found that:
1. I was craving sweetness to counter my deep, and unconscious, feelings of bitterness. There were experiences in my life that I was bitter, frustrated, or resentful about. The less I dealt with those emotions, the more they built up, and the more sugar I’d crave (and eat) in an attempt to feel better – or sweeter.
2. Chocolate was a constant in my life i.e. – chocolate would never leave me. I experienced some loss early in life and, as a coping strategy, my subconscious had created a belief that chocolate was something I could always rely on – that it would always be my friend. To counter fears of rejection, abandonment and being replaced, I’d created a sense of attachment with chocolate. And while this might have been soothing for my hurt inner child, it was stopping me from being a healthy, happy adult.
3. I was using chocolate and sugar to ‘numb’ my pain. I’ve always been a BIG feeler of feelings and super tuned in to all of the energy around me (which can sometimes be overwhelming). Add to that, when I was younger, I never really learned HOW to feel my feelings, so I stuffed them down because they just felt too big, too scary, and TOO MUCH. Chocolate helped provide a salve every time I felt hurt, sad, angry… any big emotions really.
Once we put the puzzle pieces together, we were able to begin healing the parts of me that felt wounded – balancing the bitterness with love (rather than sugar), and giving my subconscious a little ‘upgrade’ by programming in new, supportive beliefs like:
- “I am safely, easily and lovingly moving through my emotions”; and
- “I am totally lovable”.
This helped create positive change and put the power back in my hands (rather than the chocolate monster’s!).
Now, as I lean even further into being an energy healer, there’s a whole ‘nother layer to the chocolate equation that’s beginning to surface – a pull to eat something chocolatey after every client session. I think it has something to do with needing to ground my energy, but I’ll let you know after a few more Kinesiology sessions! 😊
If you relate – whether your vice is chocolate or something else – and you want to do something about it, I invite you to book a session with one of our wonderful team here at Flourish – we’d love to help you.